The Drabblecast

I've taken this down as the novel goes through the revision process. I'll be podcasting it as an audiobook when it's all shiny and polished.

Special thanks to tbaker2500 for taking an interest and providing such useful commentary on what is good, what needs a re-write, what needs to go, and for being so friendly to someone he's never met in person.

You rock, Mr.Baker.

Same as before: Great idea, but the presentation is off. Needs characters. Also needs a more gradual introduction. Start with the dude going to bed (audience assumes he is going to rest) but then have in a battlefield instead. An unexpected twist on the first page will really catch attention.

Processing. Damn I wish my wife wasn't in WoW mode... I really need to work on story development.

actually these are just the two original drabbles i put up so I could muse on how to proceed and promt commentaray and suggestions. You've fallen into my trap... Mwaahahaha. Thx for the suggestion.

I'll add a "Hey guys, new content on this story posting" when it merits your review.

Nightmare War: Outline Notes
SPOILERS REDACTED
<MOM EXCISED... I have something better, Much better, but no spoilers, you will have to stick around to the bitter horrifying end.

Ok, Tweedy let fly with the plot arc suggestions

Miss Grimsley, have at the grammer

Pheno, Tommy-boy... well, you two do what you do.

The first sections really caught my imagination. I have nothing much to say other that I had good visuals of the landscape, and I wanted to read more! It reminded me somewhat of the visuals of Dragon Riders. I wanted find out what happened next.

When you moved to the paragraph involving Harion Halladar, I must say I lost some interest. I was just starting to like Halifax (unexpected, since he at first looked like a Bad Guy with the double dose and the drink), when he was gone and I had to learn somebody else. Is Halifax coming back?

The be perfectly honest, I didn't read very far into your future ideas, 'cause to me it's more about character writing.

I want more of section 1 and 2!

Thx for reading.

<EXCISED, NO LONGER RELEVANT TO THE STORY AS IT STANDS>

The next scene involves him waking up (or being shaken awake from his overmedication/alcohol cocktail) by someone in his unit.
___

Harold awoke to the sound of shouting and found the eyes of his commannding officer looking down at his face with a mixture of concern, anger, and pride as he violently shook him from sleep.

"Halifax, wake up dammit"
___

<EXCISED. Harold is Harold awake or asleep, The Walter Mitty thing is too obvious, and No, I'm not going to have every dream sequence have something making a tepoketa tepoketa... Can't say I wasn't tempted, but ... no.

<EXCISED, problem solves.
the tone and style of events within his dreams should be different, but like all dreams are different, he'll be having a differnt style. that is to say, he doesn't always dream he's a Sword and Sorcery hero. Next time he might be a gunslinger or a space explorer... <MORE STUFF THAT HAS BEEN TOSSED OUT>

(reminder to self to contemplate this: ) Instead of sharks and fisherman, I might go with a pirate theme. Horatio Hawkins, perhaps...

another note to self. remember the real story is Harold's even though his battles in the Nightmare War must be part of the story (I can't just write, Harold fell asleep and fought a battle which he won) I don't want the reader to think those stories are the focus. Need them to be the spice and interludes. Also their point is to foreshadow and provide metaphor for the battle against combat fatigue Harold is facing in waking life.)

tbaker2500 wrote:The first sections really caught my imagination. I have nothing much to say other that I had good visuals of the landscape, and I wanted to read more! It reminded me somewhat of the visuals of Dragon Riders. I wanted find out what happened next.

When you moved to the paragraph involving Harion Halladar, I must say I lost some interest. I was just starting to like Halifax (unexpected, since he at first looked like a Bad Guy with the double dose and the drink), when he was gone and I had to learn somebody else. Is Halifax coming back?

The be perfectly honest, I didn't read very far into your future ideas, 'cause to me it's more about character writing.

I want more of section 1 and 2!

Tom,

Hopefully you will find enjoyment in chapter 2, which is exclusively character development. I envision probably around 70-75 percent of the story to take place in waking time. I think that the story behind the protagonist is much more intriguing ground to explore, and while I certainly think it is necessary for the Nightmare War dream sequences to be vivid and draw good picture, I don't want to fall into the trap of boring the reader in the same way it tends to be tiresome to hear someone describe "that weird dream I had last night." I think it should be the spice that salts the meat of the story, which really is about Harold Halifax and his comrades.


Again, my greatest appreciation goes out to you for taking the time to read this and provide feedback. I wouldn't stand a chance of coming up with something I like myself, let alone that might please others without such valuable commenatary as I am gettin from you and the rest of the ROU posse.

I think the basic idea is really interesting and fresh, but I don't like your ideas for the end. Having the terrors be human just seems... weak. There's no mystery there, no nightmare horror. It just makes it like a video game: Human players assuming fantasy avatars to fight each other without personal risk. (If there were personal risk, then Harold's nightly victories would soon rid the world of terrors, since the humans who they represent would be dying and hence unable to fight the next night.) I also don't like the idea of MOM. It seems too new-agey, touchy-feely, Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within, pseudo-buddhist... yeah.

The terrors absolutely must be something mysterious for them to be effective. The human fighting them can't know exactly what they are or what they're capable of, otherwise they won't be scary. In other words, the Terrors must themselves be nightmare-like, not just inhabit nightmares. I'd ditch MOM too, but that isn't essential. Terrors being mysterious is essential.

What I think would be totally badass is if the terrors are humans... from a parallel universe. The people over there are utterly decadent and vile Marquis de Sade types who have destroyed their own version of Earth through their greed and cruelty, and so they're trying to cross over to our universe and take over our Earth before they all die on theirs. They're trying to colonize. In the nightmares, a Terror actually kills the mind of a person, then takes over their body: The person wakes up as someone else, someone evil. You could have it that the Terrors are all ancient post-humans, and assign them correspondingly creepy personalities.

That's my 2¢.