The Drabblecast

So, yeah. I was cleaning out my hard drive and found something I wrote last year. Seems like it would fit here.

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Philip Tirman was late. His alarm clock had broken the week before and he still hadn’t gotten a new one. Still, it didn’t matter now. If Philip didn’t get to work in the next ten minutes to give a presentation, his job was in serious trouble.

He had entered into that state of desperation that only the very late seem to be able to attain. The state where you believe that anything is possible, and will happen if only to make you even later. The state where you start to believe that the traffic lights hate you and take pleasure in your sufferings.

Philip could see it now: the single malevolent red eye staring out at him from a somehow evil yellow casing. He could feel the hatred coming towards him. Then he made one of those mental connections that can never be explained, and which only make sense if you’re desperate, which Philip was, and willing to try anything, which Philip also was.

He remembered one of those newspapers that his cousin had given him from his newsstand. Underneath the headlines saying that giant bats had attacked another commercial flight, and that a 2,000 mile long fish had been discovered orbiting Jupiter, there was a small piece which claimed to be able to “UNLOCK YOUR HIDDEN PSYCHIC ABILITIES!”. Needless to say, Philip had thrown the paper away without reading any of it.

Still, he was desperate and willing to try anything. He closed his eyes and thought of Green. The essence of Green, the look of Green. If he could have, he would have thought of the smell of Green. He gathered up all the Green thoughts and thought them at the traffic light. Green.

The traffic light changed.

But not in the way that Philip expected.

He opened his eyes and saw it still: the single malevolent red eye staring out at him from a somehow evil green casing.

Nice! I laughed. That was a very clever twist. I was expecting him to just hit the car in front of him or something.

That's only 321 words, and there's a lot you could cut. I think that would make an A-grade drabble.

That was cute, a fun story.

Nice story.

But I'm now craving a tale about an orbiting 2,000 mile long fish.

Thank you all for the feedback. It builds my ego nicely.

Mr. Tweedy wrote:That's only 321 words, and there's a lot you could cut. I think that would make an A-grade drabble.

What, like this?

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Philip was late, and sat at the traffic light.

Philip saw it there: the malevolent red eye looking at him from a somehow evil yellow casing. He felt the hatred coming towards him. Then he got an idea.

He closed his eyes and thought of Green. The essence, the look, and even the smell of Green. He took all the Green thoughts and thought them at the traffic light. It changed.

But not in the way Philip expected.

He opened his eyes and saw it still: the single malevolent red eye looking at him from a somehow evil green casing.

Man, editing is hard.

For some reason I keep expecting this to be a Lord of the Rings and Blackadder tie in.

Disappointed? Yes... but great story anyway!

Oh dear, build you ego? What have we done wrong!!?!?!? Writers aren't supposed to get their egos build up, instead they are supposed to get broken down again and again, making them wonder if life is even worth it!

With regards to editing, I'd lose the line "But not in the way Philip expected." That gives away the twist.

Nice story! Welll done wonko!

Boy, you unchain that guy from his 100 character shackles and he can really go for it.

I liked it. It struck me as somewhat Phildickian.

Funny in a deeply, deeply disturbing way.

p.s., your description of Philip's paranoia (in the longer version) was amazingly vivid.

The story really puts you in the head of the main character.

Uh, thanks for that, I think.

Funny and I wrote two drabbles this weekend about red lights too. how weird is this.